Rubber Balls Do Not Equal Gumballs
by Sotong sotong
Summary: What happens on a day out with Allen and Lavi? Hilariousness fer sure! Shounen-ai AU fic with obvious innuendos  LavixAllen  Rated M.


' That was the most silliest thing I've ever heard in my entire life!'

' Sometimes it's the silly things that makes the world go round.'

' Puking your guts out after test-eating wasabi with barbecue sauce just made the world that wee bit more significant? I don't think so, Mr. So-Called-Culinary-Genius.'

' My new found discovery will at least prevent someone dying from that combo in the near future.'

' That's just your way of covering up. Admit it.'

' Fine. Think of it that way if it pleases you so much. I'll just have to personally ensure tonight that you won't be able to walk tomorrow.'

' ...you're an ass you know that, Lavi Bookman Jr.?'

' I love you too, Allen honey-buns.'

' F*ck you and your-larger-than-mine manhood. Oh, look! A gumball machine! I haven't chewed on a single gumball for ages!'

' Gumballs are for kids, Allen. I'm not sacrificing any shillings just to satisfy your childhood nostalgia.'

' But Lavi~ I really want one right now~ pwease,pwetty pwease with a double cherry and chocolate sprinkles on top?' *insert sparkly Allen puppy dog eyes*

' I'm not much of a sweet tooth aaand nope.'

' How about the cherries and chocolate sprinkles on top of me tonight?'

' Tempting but I have to refuse.'

' Mewantsgumball! Mewantsgumball! Mewantsgumball! Mewantsgumball!'

' Menogive! Menogive! Menogive! Menogive!'

' Fine. You leave me no choice.'

*insert a damn hard kick to Lavi's nether regions*

' OWWWWWwwwwwwwwIIIIIEEes! Damn it! Take this coin and preserve my pride and balls, will you?'

' With full pleasure, my darling sugar lumps~ '

*insert multiple BEEPs to censor a certain pained seme's very mature swearing*

*also insert happy humming from a certain satisfied uke as the sounds of a coin being inserted into a machine slot and an object rolling down fill the air*

' Nice, I got a military print-coloured gumball!'

' I'm happy for you, Allen. I truly from the bottom of my aching member and heart am.'

' And I in turn appreciate the sincerity of your words, Lavi.'

-Allen pops the gumball into his mouth and sucks on it-

' WHAT THE HELL! '

*insert spluttering noises as Allen promptly spits out the gumball*

-Allen saliva covered-gumball flies and bounces off Lavi's cheek to the ground-

' ...have I told you lately how much I treasure your manners and aiming skills, honey buns?'

' I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to, it's just that...do aerosol-flavoured gumballs exist? Cause I think I've just tasted one.'

' You've got to be jok- Hold on. That thing just bounced off my cheek, it didn't slide down or stick, right?'

" Yeah. Why?'

-Lavi picks up the gumball and tentatively drops it down. It bounces a few times before rolling to a stop. He and Allen share a glance before staring suspiciously at the gumball machine-

' You know what? I think that's a rubber ball machine, not a gumball one.'

' How can you be so sure?'

' What gumballs bounce when you drop 'em? They usually crack if that happens.'

' Holy crap, you're saying I just tried to eat a rubber ball? But it looks exactly like a gumball!'

' Did it taste like one? Not at all, so just accept the fact you've done the most silliest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.'

' Wait, what? It wasn't silly, Lavi! How was I supposed to know that it was a confounded rubber ball machine instead of a gumball machine?'

' It is silly because you didn't check its label before you put the coin in. See, it reads " Pim Pom's Colourful Bouncy Balls " . Extremely creative brand name by the way.'

' Dang, I feel like such an idiot.'

' You were. Did I mention that that was the most silliest thing I've ever seen in my entire life? Oh, wait. Yeah, I just did earlier.'

' Shut up. I hate you. You're sleeping on the couch tonight.'

' You know people say that the person you hate is actually who you love the most. I'm very grateful to be given that honour, Allen.'

' Damn you, I can't even argue properly with the freaky aftertaste of that rubber ball lingering in my mouth. Bleargh!'

' Want me to get rid of it?'

' Hell to the yes.'

' As you wish, my Highness.'

' Huh, why are you getting close- Mmpf!'

*insert high-pitched fangirl squeals from the obviously yaoi-crazed writer as the two lovebirds engage in a tight liplock for minutes before separating breathlessly*

' Baka *gasp* Lavi , I told you not to do that in *huff* public! What if somebody saw us?'

' What's done is done. More importantly, I got rid of that aftertaste and didn't you enjoy every moment of it? Don't even try to deny it, you definitely responded to that kiss!'

' Fine. I admit I loved every second of that kiss...hey, Take?'

' What?'

' That suckish aftertaste is still there. Mind doing a better job this time?'

' Why, of course. Can you just bear with it till we get home? I promise to work extra hard on making that awful thing disappear.'

' Then, what are we doing still standing here? C'mon~'

THE END.


End file.
